Rehearsing pain, rehearsing pleasure

photo: Bike to work by e.wilder


Last week a car door gave me a lesson in NLP. The cyclists among my readers will already be sighing...

It was Tuesday morning, I was pumping up a steep hill working desperately to get my daughter Jyoti to school on time. Then with a timing I could not avoid a man in a smart car opened his door. Pieces of bike cracked off as we skidded and fell to the left.

My body and the wrong part of my training took over. I had hardly hit the ground and I was up again. There were no cars or buses about to crush us and my daughter seemed unhurt. In front of me was a an open car door inside of which was the target of 15 years of bottled cycle rage. My right fist felt like it could smash metal, and there was an open line between it and the scared face of the driver. My lungs were supplying plenty of volume to a mix of obscenity, incrimination and threat. The driver shrank in his seat.

I do not know how long I stood there, perhaps two or three seconds, but it felt a long time.

A better part of my training took over. I saw fear and regret on the driver's face. I was aware of passer's by coming to help, my daughter was crying. I turned to lift her off her bike seat and comfort her.

Jyoti was ok, my bike was mostly ok. The passer's by brought the pieces of bike that had flown off on impact. The driver, upset, went to hug my daughter as I held her. I let him.

Jyoti told me she was fine to get back on the bike. We even managed to get to school on time. As we pedaled off I saw that the driver was having trouble shutting his car door.

Later as I thought about what happened I felt a little ashamed. Yes I looked behind and saw my daughter was Ok, but I tended to my rage before I tended to her well being.

I understand how I did that. I have been an urban cyclist almost daily for since the early 1990's. Many times I have nearly been killed and injured by the thoughtlessness of people piloting 1000 kg steel clad fists through the streets. Most of the time it was just thoughtlessness, lapses of awareness, moments of carelessness. Occasionally it has been malicious, people deliberately cutting close, swerving and aiming for me.

Insulated in their steel fist most drivers do not think of what is like to be on a flimsy wheeled frame powered by lungs and thighs, seeking the safest route between unfeeling obstacles.

When some coddled driver, in their impatience and thoughtlessness nearly kills you, it is hard not to take it personally. As a result I built up layers of self justification.

I had created a scenario where at last I would be able to express my righteous anger....

...Not nearly hit this time, but hit. The driver would be out of their armored casing, they would have already struck the first blow, and at last I would be able to strike some back. Self defense, clearly, little me armed only with my hands (elbows, knees, head and possibly a D-lock), against 1000kg fist man. Every blow would come straight from my belly, a whole body communication saying: PAY ATTENTION TO CYCLISTS

Variations include disarming my attacker by throwing their car keys down the nearest drain.

That is what I had been rehearsing mentally. It is nearly what I did. the pained shock on the driver's face is what stopped me. If he had been aggressive he probably would have been toast.

The positive intention in my hitting back scenario clear. But is hitting people the best way to get the message across - pay attention, drive safely, respect the fragile, fleshy two wheelers?

Every time I got a little satisfaction from imagining demolishing a dangerous car I was making it a little more likely to happen. Rehearsing this way I was loosing flexibility in getting my real message across, and putting myself in a legally dangerous position. I was also filling my body with stress hormones and missing out on what is actually happening and important (like bad driving), and what I might take pleasure in, people, weather, light.

So I am going to change my mental rehearsal with cycling. Change it from some fixed scenario, to remembering what I consider important. I will rehearse the qualities that allow me to say 'we are all human, let's look out for each other, and maybe even have some fun.' I will rehearse awareness in the place of rage. This is something my life depends on, literally. Fortunately, I am well trained to do this.

It is more than just cycling. I am also looking out for all the other unhelpful scenarios I am rehearsing. Lots of relationship arguments are based on this kind of imagined scenarios 'if she says this I am going to lose it...'

How many other stupid situations will I be able to avoid and turn into possibilities for pleasure? That is all very well for me, what about you?

Injunction scans

photo: civic injunction by jbartok



I believe it was Timothy Gallwey, the father of executive coaching who originally said

'performance equals potential minus interference.'

He first used this idea in a sporting context, especially with reference to athlete's doubts, distractions and negative internal dialogue.

But for the purpose of this article I want to apply this principle not so much to individual performances, but to the larger scope of what people decide to perform in.

People usually perform the best when they have a maximum of enthusiasm. They also seem more dynamic, attractive and convincing to others when they are enthusiastic. Naturally I can think of exceptions to this. Enthusiasm is not a substitute for skill. But it often precedes and leads to skill.

Children often show great capacity for enthusiasm. At least when they are left to play. Adults often show less enthusiasm. Somehow in the civilizing process education can damp down enthusiasm.

Let me give a personal example from that messy ground between being a child and an adult.

As a teenager my dream was to go to Taiwan and study Chinese martial arts as my Taiji teacher had done. My parents did not really understand why this was so important to me. They encouraged me to go to University and get a degree. Eventually I gave in, partly pushed by my parents, and partly lured by tales of student parties - something I could also feel enthusiasm for.

So I spent three years studying Environmental Biology, but my heart was not completely in the work. Biology fascinates me, whispering to me about the miracle of our interconnected lives. Despite this I did not appreciate what an amazing privilege it is to be able to choose to study a subject like that. At the time University seemed like an extension of school, but with beer, girls and scuba diving.

So after I graduated it was not long before I left England and found myself on wandering the streets of Taipei, knocking on doors and looking for teachers.

That's how I first met Luo De Xiu in 1991. He impressed me not just with his fluid power and skill, but also by his infectious enthusiasm for the arts he practiced. Sixteen years later he still lights up like a child when talking martial arts. A living example of how skill and enthusiasm go hand in hand.

Excuse me, I am digressing a little. My point is that I had been temporarily deflected from what I felt truly enthusiastic about. Once I got back into the groove of what was important to me, my life was felt magical and my energy soared, not just when I was in Taiwan, but when I was on my way too. I hope that you have had some experiences, made some choices that had this effect on you too.

Now my question is what interferes with us living more of our lives this way? What stops us going from what we really want?

I describe one kind of dampener as injunctions. These are rules, that come from different sources that say how we should and should not live. They can be subtle, or brutal. We often internalize them, so that we forget how they limit or potential options. They guide our lives, invisible and unquestioned. People live without enthusiasm for what they do, because they are unable to even see anymore what they are truly enthusiastic for.

So in the story above my parents injunction was something like 'good boys get degrees.' That one is fairly benign, and there is a pretty clear positive intention and assumption behind it - a good education leads to a good living.

But there are plenty of other injunctions. Often they apply to getting what we want.

My sister in law told me that in the school she went to she was discouraged to ask for things directly. If you wanted someone the salt you were expected to ask someone 'Would you like some salt?' to which they were expected to reply 'No, would you like some salt?'

Some typical injunctions include

• It is selfish/rude/arrogant/greedy to ask for what you want
• If you ask for something you will not get it
• Saying what you want gives other people power over you
• Good boys/girls do not do that
• It is your duty to sacrifice
• What makes you think you deserve...
• People will be jealous if I get what I want
• I will probably just be disappointed
  

I could go on, and on, and on...

Of course all of these injunction have some kind of positive intention. They are taught as a way of maintaining the structure of societies and families.

I believe that once we have the ability to to think reasonably, rationally and ethically then they are up for questioning. Society is changing with technology. People have higher levels of education than ever before, and given more choices I believe that people will tend to act more generously towards one another. A lot of the old injunctions simply do not apply anymore, and they certainly deserve the scrutiny of intelligent mature people.

So if you want to liberate some extra energy, widen your options, and charge up your enthusiasm then give yourself an injunction scan. Perhaps some of the ones above seem familiar to you. You can probably find others.

To find them ask yourself what you should or should not do. Think of the people around you in your culture, what are the rules they live by implicitly? Have you taken them on too? Contrast these with the rues of other cultures you may know, and what do you learn? Do the injunctions stand up in the light of awareness? What are their positive intentions, and can you find other ways of fulfilling them?

The more you clear your internal landscape of weeds like this, the easier it will be to see clearly what is important to you, to what you really want, hear it calling and feel the pull of it into the pleasure of bringing more and more of your gifts to the world.

And what do you really want?

Stillness and ideal movement

Photo: Baguazhang master Luo Dexiu demonstrates focussed attention with a relaxed, extended and balanced posture

I must be doing something right. Despite only writing here intermittently I seem to be attracting an increasing number of readers.

Anyway before I start patting myself on the back I thought I can offer you an adapted extract from the manual of a training I offer called Practical stillness.

The idea of the training is to distill years of martial arts and meditative training, combined with NLP to give people tools that they can use in communication, coaching, difficult situations and in decision making.

Ideal body use - martial arts and coaching

What we are looking for (not mention listening and feeling for) is the most relaxed use of the body possible. Emotions, positive or negative require tension and movement to express.

Being increasingly relaxed allows a kind of quietness, a stillness and a receptivity.

Also excess tension is both tiring, restrictive and wearing on the body.

If the body is relaxed the spine can lengthen and we can stand increasingly upright. The more upright the spine, the less tension is needed to stand, the easier it is to relax. Thus a virtuous cycle is created.

A simplistic biomechanical view of the body is muscles attached to bones, which act as levers moving around joints held together by ligaments. To an extent this is true, the reality is far more complex, and subtle.

A more interesting and accurate image is a dome tent. There are some rigid struts in the body, but they are held in place by sheets of fabric that balance tension in many different direction simultaneously. This allows the tent to be springy if pushed. Inappropriate tension in one part of the body is like pulling the fabric on one part of the tent. The fabric is only pulled in one place, however the whole tent loses its capacity for springiness.

In the body the tent’s fabric is not just muscles, it is multiple layers of connective tissue, under the skin, in the tendons, throughout the internal organs. The major lines of pull that these make map across loosely to the meridians of Chinese medicine.

Also all these structures are tied into the nervous system, which is also tied into the endocrine system, which baths every cell of the body in chemicals that effect the way they function.

How these systems all interact is beyond the scope of this article. Essentially making a change in one effects all the others, and the ones that are most available to work with are movement, and breathing.

When we return to an upright and relaxed posture the body becomes more receptive. The bodies of people around us leave subtle echoes of their postures and emotions in our own. To notice and work with these it helps to be still.

I remember a friend, a Karate champion who was discovering these sensations of sensitivity. He was more interested in kata (solo movements) than fighting. In fact he was completely fascinated by body movement. He had recently placed very well at a major tournament in which he had to fight, and since he did not like to fight this surprised him

He explained that because he was sensitive to the possibilities in his own body, he could read the possibilities in his opponent’s body, and thus predict his opponents next movements and defeat him.

For coaches and communicators being able to return to some neutral and sensitive state is extremely helpful in modeling the world view of others.

Of course you can second guess intellectually, and it is great to have intellectual models you can play with. If this is all you do though, you miss out on a very ancient and sensitive method of getting information. You will also miss out on many important channels through which people connect with each other

Many people equate sensitivity to other people's emotions as weakness, and in some cases spaciness. It does not have to be this way. Going via the body allows people to be both sensitive and grounded.

One of the reasons I choose martial arts as a model of ideal movement is that it is one area that places great demands on the body, the need to move freely, predict and act, and in which there is no space for overly weak sensitivity.

In martial arts the body needs to be able to accept impact while staying balanced, and transmit grounded force. The same characteristics that allow you to do this physically also map across very well to accepting emotional impact.

Developing this kind of body use takes some time and practice. There are aspects that can be realized instantly, and other parts that require the gradual lengthening of muscles and connective tissue. It all works best with gentle attention to key areas of the body - the spine, the pelvis and centre of gravity, as well as the flow of weight downwards, balanced with the support of the ground upwards.

So can you attend to this gently as you sit at your computer and read this blog?

Right and Easy

photo: Right is easy by LN



A conversation I had at a training recently stayed with me. Perhaps because I felt quite happy to quote an unusual and famous person. Perhaps because there was something unclear about my answer.

But before I offer the quote, let me set the scene. In the course we asked the attendees to remember a time just before they made decision that they later regretted.

Additionally in the moment they made the decision, they had some sense of warning, some signal that told them they would regret their choice. Which they did.

We do this to help sensitize our clients to their own inner warning signals, and those of the people around them. Something I consider useful in any decision making process.

A woman whose gaze alternated between intensely still, and sparklingly mischievous came up to me afterwards and asked

'I do not understand. If someone knows that they will regret a decision, why would they make that decision?'

Looking at her super steady eyes I saw the genuineness of the question. Here was a woman with a clear decision making process, and strong resolve. She struck me as someone intent on moving forwards. She was genuinely puzzled how other people might waver in the face of tricky alternatives.

Fortunately I have some experience in that area. Her question sent me on an inner search through my bad decisions in search of an answer. I managed pull myself out before too much time had passed.

'People have conflicting beliefs, and interests. Sometimes the decision you regret is less painful in the short term - or more pleasurable, or less complicated.'

She did not look convinced to me. I decided to try an appeal to authority, a quote from someone famous. "Do you like Harry Potter?'

The gaze turned mischievous.

'Well, at the end of one of the books Dumbledore says something like 'Soon we will be called to make the choice, between what is right, and what is easy.' Sometimes the right choice just seems too hard.'

Now she looked more satisfied. The trouble was I was less satisfied. I was still in the context of getting a warning signal. Getting that signal would not make the things that seem to hard any easier.

But that is just one piece of the puzzle. The reason we engage in personal development is so that we can develop our planning skills, and find ways to make what is right, easier.

Just as importantly, we train and study, and serve others so that what used to seem too hard is something that we can do with increasing skill and confidence.

The ideal is to make what is right, easy.

I appreciate that from one perspective the world is already absolutely perfect. On the other hand you need to be pretty blind to not to be aware of the suffering that people inflict on each other for one reason or another. Knowing that, what right choices do you want to make more easily?

A review in reverse

photo: Mangroves Mafia Island by Karin Osterlund

I almost feel this is a bit of a cheat. I know that it is some time since I sat down to write on my blog, and this seems like an easy way to start October.

Yes I have a review to offer you, but it is not a review by me, it is a review of a recent London training by Robbie and I.

Here it is.

The reviewer Peter Kenworthy is and HR director with over 25 years of experience.

You may be wondering why I have a picture of Mangroves with this review. They are not just any Mangroves, they are Mangroves that fringe and protect the edges of Mafia Island, which is set in the Indian Ocean off the coast of Tanzania.

When I read that Peter had a background in Tanzanian fisheries it took me back to when I was a researcher gathering data for the Mafia Island national marine reserve. Some of my best evenings were spent swimming through the mangroves at dusk or by moonlight enjoying the depth of the spring tide.

I'd like to draw some conclusion, a helpful educational metaphor to relate to that time. But all I remember is the pleasure of it, the joy of seeing fish swimming in trees, the intimacy of the light and water. I think that is enough.

Book Review - Blink

Blink, the power of thinking without thinking by Malcolm Gladwell



Blink is a book that I picked up several times, having read the Tipping Point by the same author.Finally I bought before boarding on an international train. It is short, and I found it both easy to read, and full of ideas.

From an NLP point of view Blink is about calibrating decision making, and modeling decision making in different contexts. The basic ideas in the book are that we human beings are very good at making quick decisions or judgments. This capacity is based on the ability to read a lot of information, unconsciously instant by instant. It is also based on the experience in a field that we have developed over time.

One of the interesting concepts touched on is that when people are asked to justify a decision, they perform less well than when they make quick decisions. When we start to rationalize we often interfere with the intuition that has access to both our memories and the experience of the current situation.

Which is not to say that Gladwell advocates giving up thinking,and deciding rationally. Rather he suggests that the decision making process largely takes place outside of awareness, but can be refined through practice, and analysis.

For example through analyzing data mathematically, it was possible to decide which of the many indicators of cardiac arrest were the most important. This resulted in a decision making flow chart by which patients could be sorted as the entered hospital ER rooms.

In the beginning this idea was resisted by many doctors, who did not believe or accept that a computer generated flow chart would be better at diagnosis than them. However in time it was sow to be more accurate, thus saving lives, money and energy. By knowing what the critical factors to pay attention to were, doctors had more attention to use their human skills with the patients.

Continuing on a medical theme and relevant to rapport, insurance companies found that they could predict the likelihood of a doctor being sued for malpractice through listening to the way they talked to patients. This was a much better predictor than the actual quality of their practice.

The Doctors who took a little more time, especially at the start and end of a consultation were much less likely to be sued. Essentially patients do not sue the doctors they like.

Another area that I find disturbing and fascinating is how people will make decisions based on associations that they already have. This happens outside of conscious awareness and can be demonstrated using Implicit Association Tests. You can do some online here and here.

If you do the test you will probably find that you make a lot of associations that differ from the views you hold consciously and rationally. Disturbing, and at the same time educational. Knowing that we are implicitly prejudiced in a way we cannot consciously control, can help us to consciously take steps to minimize the effects of that prejudice.

There are many more interesting anecdotes and examples, that left me thinking of the implications. There are a great many parallels with NLP, modeling the difference that makes the difference, refining sensory awareness to become aware of non-verbal cues that people give, and learning to deliberately make the conditions to allow the highest quality of decision making.

In many ways I would have liked the book to give more examples of how to use the concepts it gives. But there are references that you can follow, and I am happy to start experimenting and incorporating some of the concepts into my work and life.

States and stages

Photo: Amdo province in Tibet, my lack of recent blog articles was in part because I was traveling there.


In NLP we talk a lot about states. Resourceful states, and unresourceful ones, states that are good for specific situations, and others that would be useful, but in another context.

NLP does not just talk about states. It has some very good ways of analyzing, developing and triggering states. The state that you need to have a wild time in a night club is not the same as the one you need to negotiate a deal. Of course the two may have some overlap depending on your style... NLP has a lot of techniques to help you have the right state at the right time.

I want to add another distinction that NLP does not really have, that of stages. States arise and disappear quickly, whether through NLP's anchoring, during meditation, or in some kind of spontaneous peak experience. Stages are more stable, they are more like cognitive structures through which experiences are interpreted. A person will interpret such a state in terms of the stage (and culture) in which they live. A scientist will interpret such as state in terms of neurophysiology, a shaman in terms of spirits, and a religious person in terms of God's grace.

According to Ken Wilber, based on reviews of studies in psycho-social development, ( and in particular spiral dynamics of Dr Clare Graves) these stages follow a regular and predictable pattern of unfolding. They range from the biological survival urges of the baby, to tribal-familial bonding, right up to experiencing the entire world as an interconnected unit in which choices are made for the good of the whole, rather than individual, family, tradition or country.

These are fascinating models that I believe have a lot of application in education, politics and society. For example this model asserts that for a country to sustain a democracy, a high proportion of the populace need to rational-scientific or higher world view. Without this a country will fall back to the stricture of religious thinking/law, which in itself was a way of controlling and bringing together ethnocentric/tribal groups.

When someone moves from one stage of to another they will typically pass through a period where they experience the previous stage with a degree of hostility. Similar to children seeing their old favourite toys or TV programs as babyish, or adolescents rebelling as a way of gaining independence from their parents. Eventually the stage below can be integrated into the overall development of the individual. I just say that because I like watching my 6 year old daughter's favourite cartoons!

From an NLP point of view people at different stages will be motivated in different ways, and will understand different kinds of concepts. Each stage needs a different tailored style of communication.

NLP itself is a result of particular stages of development. NLP sprang from the minds of the people in a academic environment who were versed in mathematics, and linguistics. These are both what we can consider rational or scientific mindsets. However they moved into a more pluralistic post-rational view of the world. This is one way of interpreting the distancing from scientific methodology that still exists in NLP. As an ex-scientist who experienced the same rebellion against science I can appreciate the motivation. However these days I am glad that there are people in the NLP community who are making a genuine effort to scientifically investigate NLP.

From the stage below the stage above can only be interpreted in terms of what is already known and understood. So scientists-rational types will often view the individual-subjective aspects of NLP as the closest analogue in their experience - which is a kind of magical-egotistical thinking , and thus dismiss NLP as wishful thinking.

These days as NLP gains more popularity there are an increasing number of people who actually approach NLP with this kind of magical thinking, and others who conform to rules, and approach it as kind of religion. The former people often create some of the more bizarre offshoots of NLP. The latter become worshipers at Bandler's altar, and engage in flame wars as to what is the 'one true NLP'.

Naturally people can be uneven in their development. Intellectually they may have reached one stage of development, emotionally be at a different level, and physically be at a third. Different contexts may also tend to move them up or down levels.

In our egalitarian and democratic societies people often do not like the idea of some people being at a higher level than others. This is particularly common with people who embrace the NLP presupposition 'a map is not the territory', or everyone's reality s equally true.

However when you give the example of children it usually becomes clear that whatever wonderful qualities they have, certain concepts and qualities need to be learned. On the other and most of us still have at least occasional access to the ways of thinking we had as children. Why should this kind of development stop after adolescence, or early adulthood? In fact these stages are continuously unfolding. There were no societies that had a predominantly rational world view three hundred years ago, and though there are many that still have not reached this, there are still others that have gone beyond it. There is no final stage with nothing beyond it, anymore than the software on computers has a final version beyond which no development is possible.

So now the question is how do we progress along these stages of development.? The answer is study and practice. States are not stage dependent, and deliberate immersion in states that are beyond or outside the normal structures of thinking seem to have the effect of loosening one stage and facilitating the arrival of the next.

Meditation is an example of a practice that has this effect. NLP has a number of techniques that can work in a similar way. As a metaphor I imagine that we are tied to certain stages by a many threads. Certain techniques can cut one or sometimes many threads. But there are a great many of them, so it may take a number of years to go from one stage to the next. If these state techniques also supplemented with intellectual study, and physical exercise, then the possibility of advance is even greater.

Each stage transcends and includes the one below it, using it as a foundation for something subtler and more complex. If you are reading this article, or interested in NLP then chances are through culture, study and education you have already progressed through a good number of stages. The question is now what are you doing to embrace and encourage your continuing evolution? What are you doing to encourage the unfolding development of others around you?

a generous frame

photo: framed world by youngdoo


The frame with which you approach a situation will make a big difference to what you do and what happens. Here is another martial arts example.

There was once a martial artist who worked in the military. He trained hard, and was tough. he would also get into lots of fights. His frame in any situation was 'Am I the toughest person here?'.

This is a common attitude for people who have a skill that they are proud of.

I really appreciated this when chatting with a musician. I described an old internal dialogue of mine which went something like this 'Well he may be smarter/more charming/richer than me, but I could kick his ass in a fight!' He smiled as he listened and replied 'You know I do exactly the same thing, except I do not tell myself I can fight better, I tell myself I can play the trombone better.'

So when this martial artist walked into a bar he would eye up anyone he thought might pose some kind of threat in a fight. Not surprisingly many of these people were similar to him. Human animals being exquisitely tuned to non-verbal signals - especially those that suggest danger. The people he eyed up would perceive his presence as a threat. His attitude told them he was planning a fight, and they were the kind of people who were more than willing to oblige..

So there would be a fight, and someone would get hurt.

Many martial artists have a great capacity for re-framing fighting injuries as learning experiences by the way. They also use them as justification for training harder, being sneakier, more ruthless and hitting first so as to avoid further injuries (you can learn from someone else's injuries too).

One day this martial artist met a teacher who would change his life. The teacher gave him a different frame for his martial skills. Instead of being caught in the constant stress of 'Am I the toughest fighter here?' he offered him an alternative that meant that he did not have to prove and test himself at every occasion.

That frame is 'Everyone in this room is a little safer because I am here.' Now his martial arts training is about contribution, rather than survival.

So it is interesting to think what kind of frame you put on different situations. when the frame is around proving yourself, not making mistakes, maintaining distance,or not looking stupid then there is a good chance that you are in for a hard time.

Change the frame to how can I contribute, or how can I learn, or how can I have fun, then both the perception of the situation and your actions are likely to lead to a very different result.

Sometimes making a change is as easy as recognizing a destructive frame, and putting something more pleasurable in its place.

What are your favourite destructive frames? What would you like to change them with?

Cycles of work and strength

photo: Calderwood tree stump by Auchinoon



Some years ago I used to work as a personal trainer, and at the same time competed in full contact martial arts tournaments. Both of these activities required a level of fitness, especially the latter.

But however fit I wanted to be I knew that I couldn't train 24 hours a day, even if I was not training very hard.

To maximize the effects of my training I took another approach. I trained very intensely, then rested intensely.

What I told my clients with respect to exercise was this. You do not get stronger when you train, you get more tired and you get weaker. You get stronger when you rest, which is when the body adapts to the demands placed on it during training.

It applies when recovering between sets of an exercise during a session, as well as the periods between sessions. There are longer cycles of rest and recovery as well.

The same is true of non physical activities. Work too hard, do not rest and it results in burn out, and loss of effectiveness.

Many hard working people would like to be more productive. They try and fit more and more into the day, and cut out periods of rest. For many of the people I coach they benefit from keeping the rest periods, but improving the quality of relaxation.

Quality of relaxation is a skill. That is why so many people turn to Yoga and Taiji these days - to learn some of that quality. Breathing exercises and meditation are other ways to develop it.

Sometimes I catch myself half resting, half working, and not getting much done. I am making it a discipline to really go for my rest now, not even bother with a tea, but sit and relax. Sit and let go of everything. Maybe fall asleep for a few moments.

It is not always socially acceptable to do nothing, especially at work, but focused nothing is the purest form of rest, and can lead to the swiftest recovery. It may take some time to learn to relax deeply and quickly, but once developed it is a great ability.

There is a lovely Zen story that touches on this.

A master is lecturing the meditating monks 'If there is anything in your mind then throw it out.'

One young monk asks 'But what if my mind is already empty?'

'Then carry it out!' the master replies

Daoist traditions use the image of being motionless, silent and inert like an old tree stump. Somehow that is an image that works for me, you can find what works for you.

So stop now for a moment, still yourself, and how still are you now? What else can you let go of knowing that it will be there when you come back?

Overlaying Maps

photo: Alum Rock Park Map - Google Maps Overlay by Victor Solanoy


A theme that I keep coming back to in NLP is a map is not the territory. It applies on all kinds of different levels, two friends chatting and not quite understanding each other, two cultures not getting on, to someone lost somewhere because they cannot read a map - literally.

As people take on this idea they leave the certainty that comes from the knowledge that 'Science proves' or that 'the scriptures say'. It is not always comfortable for them.

Probably the majority of people that I work with are either moving into this area of uncertainty, or are already there. There tends to be a progression in how people structure their world views, and the relativistic map is not the territory one is fairly advanced.

Once people pick it up then they can often cross cultures more easily, and work with people very different from themselves more elegantly.

One of the ways to develop this ability is to deliberately take on, learn, and at least temporarily believe different maps. On our trainings we teach different communication models for exactly this purpose. The different models contradict each other. All of them are useful, but which is right?

Jumping between maps and models is great intellectual exercise, and as an athlete I like all kinds of exercise. With time it develops a higher level capacity to notice similarities in structure as well as content.

Partly with this in mind I am developing a blogroll with links to other blogs. These blogs have styles and content which can be very different from this one (though for now they are all blogs). You may follow some of the links and like what you read, or you may hate it, or be scared by it or a combination of these and other emotions.

My question for you - especially if you do not like what you read is whether you can take on the opinions of the writers as if they were your own and therefore true?

You do not have to spend the rest of your life believing what you read, just be able to take something else on for a while.

Colour change card trick

I found this recently - I think it is a great illustration of how we filter information. Well it got me anyway! How do you think you will do....





It makes me wonder how many other pieces of information we miss in everyday conversations that might be important? What kind of states could we enter to start noticing what we missed before?

Rapport, mirroring and the brain

photo: Modes MRI headlslice from the Swedish Brain mirror exhibition


On courses at NLP School Europe we often teach a number of rapport exercises which involve mirroring the body of another person. Doing this on purpose can seem artificial, and done poorly it can be pretty creepy.

Having said that it is something that people who get on with each other do naturally most of the time. What we show is that you can do it more purposefully to expand the range of situations whee you can feel comfortable, communicate clearly and influence people.

Here is a link to a study from UCLA that used brain imaging to observe the effect that mirroring had on brain activity. Though it used a small sample size it scientifically validates the exercise. Also the study confirms my experience that using mirroring helps create empathy for the person with who is mirrored.

The greater the empathy and connection, the more likely you are to use any influence gained through technique to the positive benefit of all parties involved.

Fun with space

Photo: Power lines by shoothead


One universal human characteristic is the tendency to sort and organize our understanding of the world spatially. We are born into space and time, and our internal world is build around space and time too.

If you watch someone talking they will tend to gesture to where information and objects are in their imagination. Some of these gestures may be in corporal space - pointing to parts of the body when referring to emotions for example. Other gestures may refer to where they imagine events in the past or future to be, or to concepts that float somewhere in mental space.

As quantum physicists say time is what keeps everything from happening at once, and space is what keeps everything from happening in the same place.

There is a huge amount of information available for people willing to observe, and you it can be used in all kinds of ways, in teaching, sales, therapy, communication and influence.

In this article I am mostly interested in ways to use the tendency of the mind to code in space to explore characteristics or self concept.

For a long time in NLP people have used the tendency to code time spatially. A lot of people think o f the past behind them, or to the left and the future ahead, or to the right. Like anything else in NLP there are plenty of individual variations in these patterns.

This resulted in people explicitly laying out time as a line along the floor, which can be walked on to explore conceptions of the past or future, and stepped off to get some perspective on the whole flow of time. This has great application in planning, coaching and therapy.

Recently I stumbled across another related idea. You can code a quality spatially along a line. For example confidence, or patience, or playfulness. Choose what you would like to increase.

If you imagine a line stretching in front and behind you. Where you stand is your current level of whatever quality it is. If you take a step back that quality will diminish, and if you take a step forward it will increase.

To play with this I recommend starting slowly to explore along the line. Take a step back, and notice how your sense of the quality can decrease. Why back? Because most people find it easier to imagine regressing in terms of their desired qualities than progressing.

So take a step back, and notice the difference. Then take another step back, and notice the difference. Then step forward again, and again. Doing this begins to establish the sense of control of these qualities, and builds a relationship with intensity of the quality and the distance along the line.

Once you have the sense of control, then you can begin to walk forward beyond your baseline level. Keep walking forwards and backwards, playing to develop an increasing sense of freedom on what is personally possible for you with this quality.

The aim is to familiarize yourself with new levels of a particular quality. At different points along the line you can ask yourself what it would be like to be in a particular situation.

If you have a small space to walk in then you can imagine that a short distance is a large change in quality. If you have a big space you can still imagine that a small distance is a large change in quality. Establish the relation between distance and quality firmly, then walk way beyond your old limits...

Ideally you come off the line with a new baseline level for the quality, and greater choice and comfort at a whole range of different levels.

Now as I write this up I have had another idea of how to use this concept. But I will need to test I before I write it down. So while I test my new idea, you are free to test this one. You could pick curiosity as a quality to explore. The further you walk the more curious you can become as to what my new idea is!

OK so I am keen for you to come back and visit my blog, but curiosity is genuinely a great quality to develop, for all kinds of reasons.Of course you do not have to go with my recommendation, just be curious enough to wonder what quality could you really enjoy sharing sharing with the world?

Who will you be when?

Picture: You know who I am, by oxfordshire church illustrations

In most standard NLP goal processes there are various checks. Checks on whether achieving the goal will cause all kinds of havoc with friends, family and other vital systems. Checks on whether the goal is worthwhile in terms of time effort and money. Finally there is usually a check on whether the goal fits with your sense of self.

It is that last check that I'm interested in today. One way to look at our lives is that they are to a large extent created by our sense of self. We do the things that we do, make the choices that we make because we are who we are.

At the same time our sense of self changes with the circumstances of our life. Major events like becoming a parent, changing professions, or country of residence have a fairly clear effect on how people think of themselves.

This means any large goal is likely to result in a change in the sense of self. So if someone sets a significant goal for themselves and really considers the consequences of achieving it they are likely to notice a gap in their sense of self.

For some people and in some situations that will be fine. However our sense of self is also something that we protect, fiercely. Many people get depressed or die when they retire because they have so identified with their work role. Loss (and that can include) change of identity can be an intensely frightening and disturbing experience.

Now how can we work with this?

Well to start with you can ask 'Who will I be when I have achieved this goal?' Picture yourself as this person, change your posture and move like this person, describe or talk like this person.
Then notice two main groups of reactions or observations.

The first is what emotional tone that you have with respect to that 'new' you? Are there any physical reactions that come up? Or perhaps internal voices that encourage or discourage you from this. You can become curious about these.

If you have some some strong negative reactions then you may need some kind of integration practice, coaching or therapy before you can achieve the goal smoothly. If you do not have access to any of these then simply observing the voices/feelings with curiosity, compassion and the discernment is a good start as a practice.

The next is what do you notice about how you act differently as this future self? Some of these differences will be obvious to you as part of your goal. It is the ones that are not so self evident that are interesting? Do you wear the same clothes, talk the same way, spend time with the different kinds of people? Whatever you do differently you can begin to take on these differences as a way to become the 'new' self.

As you become the new self the kinds of actions that lead to your goal will flow from you more naturally. People will also increasingly perceive you differently, and act towards you in different ways.

As well as being a pragmatic aid to achieve your goals, working with your identity in this way has a deeper component. In many spiritual traditions clinging to a limited sense of identity is considered a source of suffering. By observing and modifying your identity with awareness it helps create a more expansive and open sense of self. So as well as going forward to a new identity with the 'who will I be when?' you can also be moving beyond with the classic Zen question 'What was my original face before my parents were born?'

Do you know?

a million wishes

photo: who has lost a magic wand by Pσrcelαΐηgΐrl°


Having lunch with Chris West, and discussing an NLP book I wanted to a way to get across the optimism, and humanity that I find in NLP. I offered Chris the following thought experiment.

Think of all those stories where someone receives three wishes - and is either filled with contradictory urges about what to wish for, or wishes for something that ends up messing up their lives.

Now imagine that somehow a million wishes had been offered to you (and if you think that a million is not enough, you can always use one of that million to wish for a billion more...). Now what would you do with those wishes?

I can summarize what the people who I've offered this experiment to say as

'Well I'd wish for certain things for myself, then I'd start thinking about what I could do for other people.'

I have not met anyone who genuinely put themselves in this imaginary position, and who would use their wishes to wreak havoc in the lives of others.

Perhaps I should ask this of some of our society's demons - murderers, fundamentalists, terrorists. I have not done that yet.

I can imagine that certain people would go through a period or wrath and revenge with their wishing. I can also imagine them coming out of it into something more generous.

One of life's questions is how do we navigate those situations where the fearful and angry have the power to wound and kill. Soldiers, politicians, therapists, scientists, and philosophers all have different ways of answering that.

Of course we live in a world where we do not have the power to simply wish anything into, or out of existence, even though we may have more power in changing aspects of our lives than we think.

For me NLP, or any other form of genuine personal development, is about moving in a direction where we have more choice. That choice leads to greater compassion and greater generosity.

We may live in a way where we have three or fewer wishes at our disposal. But we can still aim for the expansiveness of a million wishes.

NLP and coaching can help us in this journey by developing increasingly effective methods that to navigate and transform the dangers of our current reality.

So what would you first ten wishes, your hundredth, and your thousandth wish be?

Book Review - the Mandala of Being

A month or two ago I received an e-mail from Robert Dilts recommending (or was it promoting) the Mandala of Being by Richard Moss. Robert described the book something like the Heineken adverts of my childhood. The Mandala of Being refreshes the parts many NLP techniques cannot reach. Since I like Robert, and respect his opinion I decided to buy it - and read it.

Now I've read it I've decided to review it. After my paraphrasing of Robert's summary I will offer my own.

The book is something like a cross between Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now, combined with techniques that make use of our mental tendencies to organise meaning spatially, and in terms of stories.

Now a slightly more in depth version. There is a lot more in the book than I have described here.

Richard Moss writes that we humans are born into the present, and while we are present we are exquisitely sensitive and connected to life. However being so sensitive we are also susceptible to pain, and since life doles out plenty of that, we learn strategies to flee the pain of the present. Some of these we learn ourselves, and some we learn from the people around us - like our family. Some of these patterns get passed down across generations

These methods of fleeing the present become or form the basis for our personalities or identities. However in fleeing the present we restrict our experience, our depth, and ability to act. Not only that, we also tend to perpetuate the circumstances and the pain we try to avoid by fleeing the present.

Richard writes that we have four basic directions we can go when we leave the present. Into our limited identities, into opinions about others, into the past, and into the future. All of these places are held in the form of stories. We tell ourselves stories about the kind of people we are, or the kind of people other people are. We tell stories about the past that justify the present, and we tell stories about the future that are either elating, or depressing - or alternately both.

In contrast to the limited identities related to our stories, we have 'true identity' in the present. that identity is the timeless space of awareness - which has no limits.

Returning to this timeless awareness is easy - be present with each breath, feel into what is happening now. Track anything that is happening to the awareness that it is happening in, that is always there.

This is easy...except that we are identified with the stories that are designed to protect us from pain, and in fact perpetuate pain. In remaining present the pain we have been covering through our personalities arises. It can seem overwhelming.

So we need to remain aware through the pain - emotional or physical, without falling back into the old stories. We need to stop 'thinking at' the sensation as the author puts it. Instead we need to accept and hold the sensations with the tender acceptance of a loving mother holding a crying child.

Beyond this the book is based on the practise on a mandala - a circle on the floor divided into four directions. At the centre is Now. To the outside are the directions by which we flee the present. To the left is me, to the right you, with the future ahead, and the past behind. Spatial anchoring in NLP terms.

Using the Mandala involves centering in the Now position, then moving out to one or more of the other directions. Once here the idea is to tell the story of the position "I am a....person, and ....' but not just tell it mentally, to feel the emotional consequences of each story in the body. From here the idea is to return to the present, the pure sensation of being, and leave the stories behind.

To facilitate this each direction has a number of questions to help explore the stories, and to help exit the stories. In some ways these are similar to NLP meta-model questions.

What really differs in this book to (most) NLP is the idea that the identity is a source of suffering. This is the view of many mystic traditions, and many of them are referred to throughout the book.

Most mainstream psychological approaches (including NLP) involve replacing negative self concepts with positive ones. In this book the idea here is that even the most optimistic, positive ideas about the self, or others, or the future are limited compared to the presence of Now, and are most likely covering some pain that the identity does not want to face.

The author does concede that it is probably better, or at least more pleasant, to tell positive stories than negative ones. However he believes genuine spirituality comes from giving up all the stories to awareness of the present.

As such it gives a much less saccharine view of the practise of spirituality than the majority of new age material - such as the Secret.

This is a book about awareness and spirit, rather than ways to change what you do not like into what you do like. As such it probably will not appeal to people looking for step by step solutions to specific problems or challenges.

Having said that it is also about recovering the resources to make genuine and positive change in life. I'm glad that I read it, and am happy to recommend it to others as Robert did.

Fish and Piranhas

photo: Piranhas by doubl

Fish are one of the tools that we use on our trainings. In case you are wondering what that means, and have images of conference rooms full of flapping Tuna, rainbows of angelfish, or cod and chips these are a different kind of metaphorical fish.

The idea of fish comes from Gregory Bateson, who observed that dolphin trainers never punished their charges for not doing what they wanted. Rather they waited for the dolphins to do something they liked, drew attention to the moment and action by blowing a whistle, then at the next convenient moment gave the dolphin a fish. They would also sometimes just give the dolphin fish for no reason in particular, just for being. They found human-dolphin relations worked better that way.

So in our trainings we encourage people to wait until a fellow student does something they like then give them a fish. That is tell them what they liked, when it happened, and how it was good. Again we do not punish our trainees for getting it 'wrong.'

The result is an atmosphere that is cheerful and playful, and in which people can experiment without fear of being told off. It creates a great space for learning, and trying new behaviours. It also shifts people's attention away from what they do not like, and towards what they do like.

Recently, perhaps influenced by my interest in shadows I also decided to introduce a variant of the fish - the piranha.

The idea of the piranha is that we do not always have the time to wait for people to do something that we like. From the outside we have a capacity to see how other people limit themselves in ways that they are not aware of.

A well placed piranha simultaneously brings awareness to, and eats away at the unhelpful mental or other habits that people have. But for a piranha to be helpful, rather than hurtful it needs often needs to follow certain guidelines.

1. Piranhas are best delivered with rapport and connection.

2. Piranhas bring awareness and greater choice for the person receiving them.

As a sample structure for a piranha I suggest the following

'I'm aware that you (unwanted behaviour), and I have also seen that you (alternative and wanted behaviours), and I think that you have more choices in the matter than you believe you do now.'

Of course there are many opportunities for piranha abuse, in which the piranha giver savagely rips into their victim, and leaves feeling satisfied while blood seeps into the water all around them.

That is why I preface the idea of piranhas with that of fish. I think that it is worth learning to create an entirely fish based environment to develop the sensitivity and goodwill to place piranhas well.

Personally I am happy to bring metaphorical fish to our trainees, though I also have plans to do it the other way around. That is bring our trainees to real fish. If that has intrigued you then keep checking on this blog, and I'll explain more.

Until then what has someone done around you that you would like to compliment them for?

Some positive double binds

Knotted Catenoid by Arenamontanus



I'll see if I can write a short post...

Double binds come from the work of Gregory Bateson, who hypothesized that they were often instrumental in the onset of schizophrenia. Here is a simplified set of conditions for a (negative) double bind.

1. There is an injunction form a person in a position of authority power on a someone of lesser authority or power. It may take the form 'do/don't do x or I will punish you.'

2. There is a secondary injunction that contradicts the first, and exists at a more abstract level. This might be something like 'only do x spontaneously.'

3. The secondary injunction need not be stated clearly - indeed is often more powerful if unstated.

A typical example is the tension between children and their parents. A parents says 'do what you're told, don't argue or I'll get mad.' while at the same time there is a background message of 'You need to be more independent.'

To get beyond a double bind it is helps to see not just the individual elements clearly, but also the context in which they occur. James Lawley explains this in more detail here

A positive double bind, on the other hand allows the person to have a set of injunctions that support them in a wide variety of situations, whichever choice they make. I would rather offer one of these.

Below is a short recording, based on Robert Dilt's work with sponsorship and creating positive double binds. If you want to listen to it, I suggest down loading it, and listening to it on a repeating loop with headphones. You can focus on some stuck or bound area of your life, as you listen and be curious as to how you change the way you understand.



To finish here is a positive double bind offered by Brian van der Horst at recent seminar I hosted. Whichever way you answer the question I like to think you can enjoy the answer.

Do you know how adorable you are?

The Secret - not everyone's cup of tea

Now there are plenty of people out there who seem to loooove the secret, a film that has become an underground best seller, if that is not an oxymoron, based on the 'Law of Attraction'.

Now it is not hard to see why so many people like the secret. In lots of ways I do. It is well made, with pretty visuals, consistent special effects, short sentences, stirring music, period costumes, rampaging mobs, conspiracy theories, love interests and boundless, boundless optimism.

Basically the Law of Attraction says, if you truly ask for something from the Universe, the universe will grant your wish....

That's right, anything.

The film is full of happy stories of people who have had their wish granted. The delighted witnesses explain having spent some time putting their attention on the things that they do not want, struggling with illness, debt and hate they learn to shift their attention. The moment their thoughts turn to love, health and wealth (lots of that) it arrives by the bucketful.

Interspersed with the secret success stories, various authorities explain how the secret works according to the laws of the universe as proved by quantum physics, feng shui etc.

You may detect a circumspect and unconvinced tone to my words. Well, I did say I quite like the film, and I do. I also think that I have an anarchist streak that dislikes the idea of having yet another Law imposed on me, however attractive it may be.

Also I tend to like things simple. Why use a magical explanation when a simple one will do?

I agree that if you focus on what you want, rather than not getting what you do not want then you have a much better chance of getting it. However we can easily explain a lot of this in terms of cognitive strategies. Things like noticing opportunities, or having a pleasant personality, and good non verbal communication can explain much of what is going on, possibly all of it.

To not take this into account is to encourage sloppy thinking, and I value the ability to think clearly.

Coincidence could explain a lot more, at least if that is something you believe in. I would recommend Derren Brown's book Tricks of the mind - and the section on pseudoscience if you want to get a different juicy sense of the way 'our thoughts create reality.'

I do agree that our thoughts create, or at least effect reality. All inventions start with thoughts, and so do many arguments, wars etc. If I didn't think that the way we think has an huge impact on how we live, I wouldn't be in the line of work I do. But the correlation is not 100%. I recently read a man propose this little test for people who think that thoughts create reality.

1. How many people have you thought about sleeping with
2. How many people have you actually slept with?

You may find some discrepancy between the thoughts and the reality...Naturally manifesters will have some arguments to defend the LoA against this test, and I agree it's hardly conclusive. But it did make me smile, so I thought I'd share it.

I think getting people to notice a relation between their thoughts and the life they live is a pretty healthy intention. I question whether dressing up the idea in terms of dream houses, jewelry, money and magic is anything more than a shallow commercial decision. I also wonder if it will lead people to do lots of affirming, and not much action, followed by disappointment both in the world, and the value of their thoughts.

More optimistically all the shiny promise of the video could lead someone out of a mechanistic view of life and create all kinds of new possibilities. It can also open the door on the hall of mirrors of believing and seeing, seeing and believing. I believe that loosening up people's grip on truth and reality is in most cases a step in a good direction.

Some people dislike the Law of Attraction, because if it is true then all the people dying horribly around the world, and around history are suffering because they willed it upon themselves. Perhaps a consignment or two of the Secret DVD's would swiftly lead to a new era of peace and enlightenment in Afghanistan, Iraq, Sudan...I'm certainly wishing them peace...

Now, being a relatively rational NLP person I propose a Law of Attraction technique/experiment, neatly summarized in a few numbered steps, with clear instructions, and some feedback to see how the experiment is going. It is not ready yet, but I can see it manifesting very soon, honestly.

Here is a clip of the secret for you to get some of the flavour...If you want to watch the whole film, I recommend watching it with the whole of your brain.

An outcome you cannot argue with

Death & Life by Darius twin


A wide range of psychotherapeutic, spiritual, and extreme sports traditions all have one thing in common. In fact we all have this in common, and no it is not skin, or taxes. It is death.

In our culture death is a strange subject. We are all going to die, but it is not something many of us like to think about very much. Naturally we get reminded fairly regularly as people we know come to the ends of their lives.

We also get to see plenty of death in the media, usually at an abstractly comfortable distance. It could be in the news, or in a TV series where the bad guys are little more than targets for the hero.

Now I have no idea what happens when we die, though I have met plenty of people who have beliefs in this area. Given this uncertainty about our only certainty, living people use death in a number of ways.

Obviously death gets used as a threat, which works less well if you believe that you get some kind of celestial five star service on the other side.

Others use death as a leveler - it links Presidents and beggars, it is something we share, a common facet of our humanity. It can bring us together.

The extreme sports people use the imminent possibility of death to add spice to life. People nearing the ends of their lives often talk of the extraordinary delight they have in the most ordinary things that they encounter.

We can also use death as a way to examine our priorities and values. As Buddhists put it 'the only certainty in life is death, and the time of our death is uncertain. Knowing that, what shall I do now?'

As a recent training came to a close, I used a meditation on death to mark its ending. It is something that I learned from the fool while we were training people in a petrochemical company. I don't know where he learned it, he may have simply made it up.

Some of the students asked if I could record some the meditations that we use, because they find it easier to follow this way. It seems a little perverse that the first one I record should be on death, but as Stephen Covey puts it, begin with the end in mind. Also I recognize that it is something that I could benefit from doing more often.



You can listen online, or download and share, as you will.

Tricks of the mind

If you are UK, or Youtube, based there is a good chance that you know about Derren Brown.

Derren has made several television series that mix Hypnosis, stage magic, cold reading and NLP to some very amusing effect. Well amusing to me anyway.

Here is an example of Derren at work on TV this one showing how easy it can be to trick martial artists...




One of Derren's values is to state clearly that he is using tricks and skills rather than special powers to do some of the amazing things that he does.

His book, tricks of the mind is written in what I would describe as a 21st century Victorian style. I found it quite amusing, but it may not be everyone's taste.

Derren is scathing about mediums, and people who believe in psychic powers (especially his own). He covers his interest in magic tricks, hypnosis, memory, NLP, the nature of belief, and pseudo-science. He has particular disdain for people who use built in human gullibility to take advantage of vulnerable people.

All of this he mixes with anecdotes from his time as Christian with the annoying habit of trying to convert his friends, as well as stories stemming from his TV series and the consequences of his public image.

There is a chapter on mnemonic techniques which I he combined a largely narrative style with a description of the techniques. Reading it I tried out some of what he suggested, and it worked well enough for me to want to read more. It is an area that I have not really looked into, so I had a rapid and fruitful learning curve.

I also enjoyed the chapter on pseudo-science and the nature of beliefs - which is a themes throughout the book. He gives some very clear and lucid examples of how science works, the nature of statistics, and how it is easier to believe something vivid but false, than prosaic but true. Plenty of food for thought for me there.

Another part of the book skims through his brief time with NLP. He points out that NLP has it's ow brand of 'true believer' and that there is an infuriating percentage of NLPers who insist on applying their techniques whether people want them or not. Another theme that runs through the book is the tendency of people to depend on special skills (hypnosis, magic etc) as a substitute for personality and human contact.

Derren describes his experiences and disillusionment on following one of Richard Bandler's trainings (RB was one of the founder's of NLP). He cites the large number of people, the lack of assessment, and the use ofcharisma of to dominate reason.

On the other hand he values NLP enough to include a number of concepts and techniques, notably the phobia cure, swish, some aspects of eye accessing cues and sensory language.

I tend to agree with many of his criticisms of NLP. Still I think it is a shame if he is basing his comments on the one 4 day 400 person training with the field's most controversial figure. There are people offering NLP training with high standards of ethics, tuition and assessment. I would say that, naturally.

If you read the book expecting to learn how Derren does some of the things he does on TV, you will be disappointed. But he does give hints and pointers that you could use to develop skills either to do it yourself, or make some pretty informed guesses as to how he manages it. He also gives some useful information so that you can avoid people doing some of that tricky stuff on you as well.

I liked the books mix of first person narrative, passionate opinion, bizarre humour and examples. I finished with some new ways of looking at the world, some old ways refreshed, and a list of questions I'd ask if I ever met Derren in the pub.