Book Review - the Mandala of Being

A month or two ago I received an e-mail from Robert Dilts recommending (or was it promoting) the Mandala of Being by Richard Moss. Robert described the book something like the Heineken adverts of my childhood. The Mandala of Being refreshes the parts many NLP techniques cannot reach. Since I like Robert, and respect his opinion I decided to buy it - and read it.

Now I've read it I've decided to review it. After my paraphrasing of Robert's summary I will offer my own.

The book is something like a cross between Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now, combined with techniques that make use of our mental tendencies to organise meaning spatially, and in terms of stories.

Now a slightly more in depth version. There is a lot more in the book than I have described here.

Richard Moss writes that we humans are born into the present, and while we are present we are exquisitely sensitive and connected to life. However being so sensitive we are also susceptible to pain, and since life doles out plenty of that, we learn strategies to flee the pain of the present. Some of these we learn ourselves, and some we learn from the people around us - like our family. Some of these patterns get passed down across generations

These methods of fleeing the present become or form the basis for our personalities or identities. However in fleeing the present we restrict our experience, our depth, and ability to act. Not only that, we also tend to perpetuate the circumstances and the pain we try to avoid by fleeing the present.

Richard writes that we have four basic directions we can go when we leave the present. Into our limited identities, into opinions about others, into the past, and into the future. All of these places are held in the form of stories. We tell ourselves stories about the kind of people we are, or the kind of people other people are. We tell stories about the past that justify the present, and we tell stories about the future that are either elating, or depressing - or alternately both.

In contrast to the limited identities related to our stories, we have 'true identity' in the present. that identity is the timeless space of awareness - which has no limits.

Returning to this timeless awareness is easy - be present with each breath, feel into what is happening now. Track anything that is happening to the awareness that it is happening in, that is always there.

This is easy...except that we are identified with the stories that are designed to protect us from pain, and in fact perpetuate pain. In remaining present the pain we have been covering through our personalities arises. It can seem overwhelming.

So we need to remain aware through the pain - emotional or physical, without falling back into the old stories. We need to stop 'thinking at' the sensation as the author puts it. Instead we need to accept and hold the sensations with the tender acceptance of a loving mother holding a crying child.

Beyond this the book is based on the practise on a mandala - a circle on the floor divided into four directions. At the centre is Now. To the outside are the directions by which we flee the present. To the left is me, to the right you, with the future ahead, and the past behind. Spatial anchoring in NLP terms.

Using the Mandala involves centering in the Now position, then moving out to one or more of the other directions. Once here the idea is to tell the story of the position "I am a....person, and ....' but not just tell it mentally, to feel the emotional consequences of each story in the body. From here the idea is to return to the present, the pure sensation of being, and leave the stories behind.

To facilitate this each direction has a number of questions to help explore the stories, and to help exit the stories. In some ways these are similar to NLP meta-model questions.

What really differs in this book to (most) NLP is the idea that the identity is a source of suffering. This is the view of many mystic traditions, and many of them are referred to throughout the book.

Most mainstream psychological approaches (including NLP) involve replacing negative self concepts with positive ones. In this book the idea here is that even the most optimistic, positive ideas about the self, or others, or the future are limited compared to the presence of Now, and are most likely covering some pain that the identity does not want to face.

The author does concede that it is probably better, or at least more pleasant, to tell positive stories than negative ones. However he believes genuine spirituality comes from giving up all the stories to awareness of the present.

As such it gives a much less saccharine view of the practise of spirituality than the majority of new age material - such as the Secret.

This is a book about awareness and spirit, rather than ways to change what you do not like into what you do like. As such it probably will not appeal to people looking for step by step solutions to specific problems or challenges.

Having said that it is also about recovering the resources to make genuine and positive change in life. I'm glad that I read it, and am happy to recommend it to others as Robert did.

Fish and Piranhas

photo: Piranhas by doubl

Fish are one of the tools that we use on our trainings. In case you are wondering what that means, and have images of conference rooms full of flapping Tuna, rainbows of angelfish, or cod and chips these are a different kind of metaphorical fish.

The idea of fish comes from Gregory Bateson, who observed that dolphin trainers never punished their charges for not doing what they wanted. Rather they waited for the dolphins to do something they liked, drew attention to the moment and action by blowing a whistle, then at the next convenient moment gave the dolphin a fish. They would also sometimes just give the dolphin fish for no reason in particular, just for being. They found human-dolphin relations worked better that way.

So in our trainings we encourage people to wait until a fellow student does something they like then give them a fish. That is tell them what they liked, when it happened, and how it was good. Again we do not punish our trainees for getting it 'wrong.'

The result is an atmosphere that is cheerful and playful, and in which people can experiment without fear of being told off. It creates a great space for learning, and trying new behaviours. It also shifts people's attention away from what they do not like, and towards what they do like.

Recently, perhaps influenced by my interest in shadows I also decided to introduce a variant of the fish - the piranha.

The idea of the piranha is that we do not always have the time to wait for people to do something that we like. From the outside we have a capacity to see how other people limit themselves in ways that they are not aware of.

A well placed piranha simultaneously brings awareness to, and eats away at the unhelpful mental or other habits that people have. But for a piranha to be helpful, rather than hurtful it needs often needs to follow certain guidelines.

1. Piranhas are best delivered with rapport and connection.

2. Piranhas bring awareness and greater choice for the person receiving them.

As a sample structure for a piranha I suggest the following

'I'm aware that you (unwanted behaviour), and I have also seen that you (alternative and wanted behaviours), and I think that you have more choices in the matter than you believe you do now.'

Of course there are many opportunities for piranha abuse, in which the piranha giver savagely rips into their victim, and leaves feeling satisfied while blood seeps into the water all around them.

That is why I preface the idea of piranhas with that of fish. I think that it is worth learning to create an entirely fish based environment to develop the sensitivity and goodwill to place piranhas well.

Personally I am happy to bring metaphorical fish to our trainees, though I also have plans to do it the other way around. That is bring our trainees to real fish. If that has intrigued you then keep checking on this blog, and I'll explain more.

Until then what has someone done around you that you would like to compliment them for?

Some positive double binds

Knotted Catenoid by Arenamontanus



I'll see if I can write a short post...

Double binds come from the work of Gregory Bateson, who hypothesized that they were often instrumental in the onset of schizophrenia. Here is a simplified set of conditions for a (negative) double bind.

1. There is an injunction form a person in a position of authority power on a someone of lesser authority or power. It may take the form 'do/don't do x or I will punish you.'

2. There is a secondary injunction that contradicts the first, and exists at a more abstract level. This might be something like 'only do x spontaneously.'

3. The secondary injunction need not be stated clearly - indeed is often more powerful if unstated.

A typical example is the tension between children and their parents. A parents says 'do what you're told, don't argue or I'll get mad.' while at the same time there is a background message of 'You need to be more independent.'

To get beyond a double bind it is helps to see not just the individual elements clearly, but also the context in which they occur. James Lawley explains this in more detail here

A positive double bind, on the other hand allows the person to have a set of injunctions that support them in a wide variety of situations, whichever choice they make. I would rather offer one of these.

Below is a short recording, based on Robert Dilt's work with sponsorship and creating positive double binds. If you want to listen to it, I suggest down loading it, and listening to it on a repeating loop with headphones. You can focus on some stuck or bound area of your life, as you listen and be curious as to how you change the way you understand.



To finish here is a positive double bind offered by Brian van der Horst at recent seminar I hosted. Whichever way you answer the question I like to think you can enjoy the answer.

Do you know how adorable you are?