Here's a double bind for you. NLP is a set of powerful tools that can be applied to setting goals and accomplishing what you want in life. In NLP we apply the concept "a map is not the territory", that our understanding of reality is only a model, and not reality itself.
So what happens if we start applying our wonderful NLP techniques on the basis of a map that is severely flawed? What will that result in?
For example someone who as a habit uses force to resolve problems, physical or emotionally. If they encounter a problem where they feel weak, in their map of the world they will seek a method to be stronger. So they then apply NLP to be even stronger in that situation.... Seems doomed to failure doesn't it?
What about the inverse. Someone who always yields to others, deals with problems by being more generous, more sensitive, more giving. If they find themselves in a difficult situation, perhaps where someone is taking advantage of them in some way what will they apply NLP to. Probably being more giving, less selfish. The result?
Now let's get silly. Imagine someone sayig "I will use NLP to get over my hangovers quicker. I have at least 5-6 hangovers a week, so it should save me lots of pain."
This makes NLP a tool to dig yourself deeper into a habit. A bit like the people who drive faster and more recklessly because of the heightened sense of security that modern car technology offers.
What can we do about a paradox like this?
I have two kinds of answers.
If you believe that there is a force of evolution guiding us (whether internal from natural selection, or omnipresent and spiritual) then eventually, however man bad decisions we make are, the dice are loaded that we will make a good one eventually. So you do ot actually have to do anything.
This is OK as a stop gap, but it doesn't say much for our capacity to apply intelligence. I also sometimes think of as an abdication of authority. But on the up side it is an application of the idea that "the universe is basically a friendly place." Which I find much mor optimistic and useful than the opposite.
Alternatively we can develop practises that are designed to show up our blindspots, the parts of ourselves that lie in shadow outside of our awareness.
One way we can do this is to ask people we trust to tell us what we appear to be blind to. Of course we could still choose people who share our blind spots. The strong person above might choose his brutal barbarian colleagues, and the generous person might choose people with similar patterns, and the hangover man might choose his drinking buddies. So in this case it's good to choose people who are very different from you.
The danger then is that you get angry and fall out with those people because they are obviously stupid, and they have got it wrong. You know what it is like when someone asks you for advice and then does not like what you tell them....
There are also a number of other practises that you can do alone.
Ken Wilber of the Integral Institute has created the 3-2-1 Shadow process tm. I'm not sure I should describe it because it has a tm after it, and I've never seen it written down anywhere publicly.
On the other hand it has a great deal in common with Robert Dilt's Meta-Mirror . The Meta-Mirror was conceived to work with difficult relationships by moving through three perceptual positions. 1st position, me as myself. 2nd position, me as an other person, and 3rd position which is an outsider, or fly on the wall. It is a great pattern with a lot built into it, which is why we often teach it on our NLP taster days.
In Ken's process the emphasis is on working with a part of yourself that you have a problem with, rather than another person. Having said that he considers difficult people on the outside projections of your own internal "shadow" - parts of yourself that you have not been able to integrate.
A third practise that I think is useful is Core Transformation which was created by Connirae and Tamara Andreas. It is a very elegant process for appreciating an integrating those parts of us that we do not like. It involves identifying an unwanted behaviour or reaction, then moving up a chain of positive intentions to core state. The core state is extremely pleasant to experience, and if you are a coach a great privilege to witness. It is one of the reasons I like to use it, and variations of it in my coaching practise.
With any of these techniques when they are practised honestly there is an integration, the sense of reclaiming a some part of yourself. It creates a sense of greater peace within a given situation. It also leads to an increased range of choices, in terms of both state, and behaviour.
To use these techniques as part of a practise you first need to identifying something that you consider irritating, frightening, otherwise unpleasant. you could perceive it as internal to you, or externally - a shadow. It could be a person, a character in a dream, or an emotion.
Ken recommends that people practise this twice a day. Certainly it is something that is best done on a regular basis. That way it becomes a habit. It gets easier to get curious about people or events that trouble you, rather than angry or hostile or depressed. Curious because you know that there is something interesting to be learned, rather something evil to be defeated.
Ken recommends that people practise this twice a day. Certainly it is something that is best done on a regular basis. That way it becomes a habit. It gets easier to get curious about people or events that trouble you, rather than angry or hostile or depressed. Curious because you know that there is something interesting to be learned, rather something evil to be defeated.
Your map may never be fully accurate, so these practises do not fully answer the issue of how best to apply NLP, but they do go some way to creating wiser decisions.
One of the good things about it is that it is easy to start. Just ask what do you find most irritating in yourself or in others?
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