States and stages

Photo: Amdo province in Tibet, my lack of recent blog articles was in part because I was traveling there.


In NLP we talk a lot about states. Resourceful states, and unresourceful ones, states that are good for specific situations, and others that would be useful, but in another context.

NLP does not just talk about states. It has some very good ways of analyzing, developing and triggering states. The state that you need to have a wild time in a night club is not the same as the one you need to negotiate a deal. Of course the two may have some overlap depending on your style... NLP has a lot of techniques to help you have the right state at the right time.

I want to add another distinction that NLP does not really have, that of stages. States arise and disappear quickly, whether through NLP's anchoring, during meditation, or in some kind of spontaneous peak experience. Stages are more stable, they are more like cognitive structures through which experiences are interpreted. A person will interpret such a state in terms of the stage (and culture) in which they live. A scientist will interpret such as state in terms of neurophysiology, a shaman in terms of spirits, and a religious person in terms of God's grace.

According to Ken Wilber, based on reviews of studies in psycho-social development, ( and in particular spiral dynamics of Dr Clare Graves) these stages follow a regular and predictable pattern of unfolding. They range from the biological survival urges of the baby, to tribal-familial bonding, right up to experiencing the entire world as an interconnected unit in which choices are made for the good of the whole, rather than individual, family, tradition or country.

These are fascinating models that I believe have a lot of application in education, politics and society. For example this model asserts that for a country to sustain a democracy, a high proportion of the populace need to rational-scientific or higher world view. Without this a country will fall back to the stricture of religious thinking/law, which in itself was a way of controlling and bringing together ethnocentric/tribal groups.

When someone moves from one stage of to another they will typically pass through a period where they experience the previous stage with a degree of hostility. Similar to children seeing their old favourite toys or TV programs as babyish, or adolescents rebelling as a way of gaining independence from their parents. Eventually the stage below can be integrated into the overall development of the individual. I just say that because I like watching my 6 year old daughter's favourite cartoons!

From an NLP point of view people at different stages will be motivated in different ways, and will understand different kinds of concepts. Each stage needs a different tailored style of communication.

NLP itself is a result of particular stages of development. NLP sprang from the minds of the people in a academic environment who were versed in mathematics, and linguistics. These are both what we can consider rational or scientific mindsets. However they moved into a more pluralistic post-rational view of the world. This is one way of interpreting the distancing from scientific methodology that still exists in NLP. As an ex-scientist who experienced the same rebellion against science I can appreciate the motivation. However these days I am glad that there are people in the NLP community who are making a genuine effort to scientifically investigate NLP.

From the stage below the stage above can only be interpreted in terms of what is already known and understood. So scientists-rational types will often view the individual-subjective aspects of NLP as the closest analogue in their experience - which is a kind of magical-egotistical thinking , and thus dismiss NLP as wishful thinking.

These days as NLP gains more popularity there are an increasing number of people who actually approach NLP with this kind of magical thinking, and others who conform to rules, and approach it as kind of religion. The former people often create some of the more bizarre offshoots of NLP. The latter become worshipers at Bandler's altar, and engage in flame wars as to what is the 'one true NLP'.

Naturally people can be uneven in their development. Intellectually they may have reached one stage of development, emotionally be at a different level, and physically be at a third. Different contexts may also tend to move them up or down levels.

In our egalitarian and democratic societies people often do not like the idea of some people being at a higher level than others. This is particularly common with people who embrace the NLP presupposition 'a map is not the territory', or everyone's reality s equally true.

However when you give the example of children it usually becomes clear that whatever wonderful qualities they have, certain concepts and qualities need to be learned. On the other and most of us still have at least occasional access to the ways of thinking we had as children. Why should this kind of development stop after adolescence, or early adulthood? In fact these stages are continuously unfolding. There were no societies that had a predominantly rational world view three hundred years ago, and though there are many that still have not reached this, there are still others that have gone beyond it. There is no final stage with nothing beyond it, anymore than the software on computers has a final version beyond which no development is possible.

So now the question is how do we progress along these stages of development.? The answer is study and practice. States are not stage dependent, and deliberate immersion in states that are beyond or outside the normal structures of thinking seem to have the effect of loosening one stage and facilitating the arrival of the next.

Meditation is an example of a practice that has this effect. NLP has a number of techniques that can work in a similar way. As a metaphor I imagine that we are tied to certain stages by a many threads. Certain techniques can cut one or sometimes many threads. But there are a great many of them, so it may take a number of years to go from one stage to the next. If these state techniques also supplemented with intellectual study, and physical exercise, then the possibility of advance is even greater.

Each stage transcends and includes the one below it, using it as a foundation for something subtler and more complex. If you are reading this article, or interested in NLP then chances are through culture, study and education you have already progressed through a good number of stages. The question is now what are you doing to embrace and encourage your continuing evolution? What are you doing to encourage the unfolding development of others around you?

Overlaying Maps

photo: Alum Rock Park Map - Google Maps Overlay by Victor Solanoy


A theme that I keep coming back to in NLP is a map is not the territory. It applies on all kinds of different levels, two friends chatting and not quite understanding each other, two cultures not getting on, to someone lost somewhere because they cannot read a map - literally.

As people take on this idea they leave the certainty that comes from the knowledge that 'Science proves' or that 'the scriptures say'. It is not always comfortable for them.

Probably the majority of people that I work with are either moving into this area of uncertainty, or are already there. There tends to be a progression in how people structure their world views, and the relativistic map is not the territory one is fairly advanced.

Once people pick it up then they can often cross cultures more easily, and work with people very different from themselves more elegantly.

One of the ways to develop this ability is to deliberately take on, learn, and at least temporarily believe different maps. On our trainings we teach different communication models for exactly this purpose. The different models contradict each other. All of them are useful, but which is right?

Jumping between maps and models is great intellectual exercise, and as an athlete I like all kinds of exercise. With time it develops a higher level capacity to notice similarities in structure as well as content.

Partly with this in mind I am developing a blogroll with links to other blogs. These blogs have styles and content which can be very different from this one (though for now they are all blogs). You may follow some of the links and like what you read, or you may hate it, or be scared by it or a combination of these and other emotions.

My question for you - especially if you do not like what you read is whether you can take on the opinions of the writers as if they were your own and therefore true?

You do not have to spend the rest of your life believing what you read, just be able to take something else on for a while.

Rapport, mirroring and the brain

photo: Modes MRI headlslice from the Swedish Brain mirror exhibition


On courses at NLP School Europe we often teach a number of rapport exercises which involve mirroring the body of another person. Doing this on purpose can seem artificial, and done poorly it can be pretty creepy.

Having said that it is something that people who get on with each other do naturally most of the time. What we show is that you can do it more purposefully to expand the range of situations whee you can feel comfortable, communicate clearly and influence people.

Here is a link to a study from UCLA that used brain imaging to observe the effect that mirroring had on brain activity. Though it used a small sample size it scientifically validates the exercise. Also the study confirms my experience that using mirroring helps create empathy for the person with who is mirrored.

The greater the empathy and connection, the more likely you are to use any influence gained through technique to the positive benefit of all parties involved.

Explaining NLP

One of the challenges of being an NLP trainer is explaining what NLP is. A definition which came to me recently during a presentation is this.

NLP is a flexible framework that allows the exploration and integration of many different aspects of human experience.

NLP creates a language of experience that allows poetry to converse with business, art with science, values with profit, dance with Descartes, and spirit with matter.

Since individual humans, and human societies are full of contradictions and divisions, I think it is a pretty good thing to practise the capacity for integration. When we can’t yet find a means of integration to have a means to hold our contradictions in a sane way.

NLP is not the only discipline which is attempting this, but I think it does a pretty good job. Whether your interests are business, therapy, creativity, sports, coaching or health people have successfully used in NLP that field.

Given this flexibility it is not surprising that different practitioners and teachers have widely divergent styles – though linked by some key principles.

Readers also arrive here with a variety of interests, desires and preconceptions.

Articles in this section go some way to catering to these different needs. If they pique your interest then live practise will probably be even more interesting for you.

What I have written here contains a mix of metaphors, examples, ideas and methods. It is not so far a comprehensive introduction or explanation to NLP. These are my views and opinions that may add to the understanding of people already acquainted with the subject. I have included links to explain technical terms that I use.

On to the articles….

NLP manipulation, psychic attack and the 42nd Rolls Royce

presenting NLP,I knew someone who...

Only for people of a certain development

Pass this on to any boring coaches you know (but don't tell them why...)

Three kinds of questions

Three kinds of questions

When I teach NLP I get to observe what people find challenging within it. Perhaps top of the list of challenges is how to move from the content of what people are saying to the process, the patterns in how they say it.

People start off with good intentions of sticking with process, then get sucked in by content, and veer off into everyday conversation. The juicier the content, the easier it is to lose sight of the process.Most people live so much in content, the rich details of their stories that even the idea of process eludes them.

I have a set of distinctions I like to give that helps some people to get it. I like to tell people there are three kinds of questions.

The first kind is the normal conversational kind. I ask you a question because I want information about what your life, for me. For example 'Where do you reccomend for lunch?' because I am hungry, or 'How did you make that curry?' because I want to be able to make it too, or 'Then what happened?' because I want to know the next part of the story.

The second kind of questions are asked so that the person answering can get the information. This stems much more from the Socratic tradition of teaching, and so is a common part of coaching.

For example I could ask 'Which of the choices do you prefer?' or 'Can you think of any examples of success in this field?' or 'What haven't you thought of yet?' or 'What would happen if you did?'

I am not invested in the answer, I don't need the information. I am moving from content to process.

The third type of question is asked to direct attention often to create a change of state. These can overlap considerably with the second type of question. '

For example 'Can you remember a time when you felt completely relaxed?' or 'Have you ever had the experience of being really excited or motivated by something?'

The person may give you a detailed answer, or they may just go silent revisiting past memories. Getting the details of where, when and with whom in the answer is not the point. Getting the person to re-experience something that changes their physiology is the real intention.

There are much finer distinction we can make about questions than just these three categories. Recognising and using the distinctions is a big part of NLP. People who are familiar with NLP may notice some overlap between the Meta-model and the Milton-model in the second two types of questions. People familiar with Clean Language will also notice parallels. My aim here is not to go into the details, but give people a broad and easy to grasp frame.

I think that I have covered most of what I wanted to. Naturally I will conclude with some questions, and I do not need to know your answers!

What kind of questions do you tend to use the most? Given your objectives what kind of questions would be the most helpful to you? Finally, what would asking those questions be like?

Only for people of a certain development

I started this blog about a month ago, with a number of objectives. To offer ideas and techniques that can make a difference to the readers, for the pleasure of writing, and finally to attract people onto our courses.

For the last few weeks I’ve been questioning if I’m going about this the right way. I was thinking to be eligible for our trainings there are a number of criteria you need to meet.

You need a certain degree of emotional stability. Our trainings are to teach NLP, rather than to give therapy – though our students to have plenty of opportunities to resolve issues during the courses.

You need a certain degree of mental maturity. NLP isn’t magic. The use of it depends on certain cognitive skills that not everyone has developed.

Finally you need to be able to be able to pay. We offer discounts and exchanges in certain cases, but we are a business and we won’t stay around for long if that’s all we do. If you are a charity, or working on a voluntary basis then you’re the kind of person we will be more flexible with.

Now, the most profitable sector for us is businesses. Ideally big ones who can send a long stream of people on our courses. If I was to write for a business I might be better to adopt a more business like style.

I could include more figures, include jargon culled from my targets, and pull out examples relevant to their situation. There would be lots of articles on ‘maximising team motivation’ ‘6 steps to leveraging customer loyalty in a changing market’

But so far you won’t find many of these articles. Once I noticed they weren’t there I began to wonder why….I mean I could write them, I have the skills, the experience and al the resources I need. So why doesn’t this blog read like a business journal?

It’s because the people I’m writing for have a certain level of mental development. They appreciate that the objective measurable parameters that are required by business, and they also appreciate that there is much more to success than that.

The people who I’m writing for know that being able to work with differences in style, and differences in mindset can make a huge difference to success. It's one of the qualities of the most successful leaders. Some of these people will be working at different levels within the kinds of businesses that we provide training and coaching for.

Having a sense of the value of difference means that they can enjoy that I’m writing in the way I like to naturally. It is my capacity to foster an appreciation of difference rather than a resistance to it that they will value in my coaching and training.

What we do in our trainings is not get people to conform to some norm of ‘effective’ behaviour. Rather we help people to adapt their unique skills and innate capacities to be more effective by being more themselves, and do the same with others. That is something that I consider a ‘higher’ level of development. It’s also something that has a profoundly right sense to it. Right beyond simplistically defined rules.

So the people who are concerned mostly with conformity, and procedure will skim past this blog, or possibly be offended by it. The ones who recognise the value of being more present, more integrated in their work will find areas of attraction, points of resonance.

The conformers could probably do with our training most of all. Certainly the ones who have reached limits of their ability by trying to fit themselves and others into overly fixed structures or hierarchies. When we make presentations, in personal interviews we make sure we speak their language. If we didn’t we couldn’t communicate or motivate them, and we do.

So this blog is a message to people frustrated by opportunities that rigid thinking passes by. People who are pained by the gaps between values and action I'm writing written for the people who perceive the suffering that comes from trying to reduce human issues to mechanical, financial ones, and who recognise that more humanity in the workplace can make it more successful as well as more pleasurable.

If you are one of those people keep browsing. As I go along I'll include more tools you can use in different areas, with overbearing bosses, with intercultural conflict and misaligned communication. You’d probably enjoy our trainings, and know people who could use them to take that next step in their development.

Want to contribute to wisdom and compassion in the workplace and in the world? You are part of a network of people working overtly, or covertly for a more compassionate, sustainable world. There's something a little subversive here. Not subversive in a conflictual or destructive way. Rather we share an interest in being creatively subversive to make things better.

You have allies here. Now what can we do to help?

presenting NLP,I knew someone who...

If you’ve been reading this blog I like to think you have gone beyond the view that NLP is manipulative. You may also have added some arguments – or reasoning if you prefer that term to answer people who have that as an accusation.

The next question is how do you talk about NLP at dinner parties without attracting flak or putting people on the defensive. The problem here is that NLP is a little too good. What do I mean? Well NLP promises the ability to improve just about anything. That covers relationships, communication, performance, learning, sex and any other area you think about applying it to.

However, for many people suggesting that they can improve something in their life implies that they are not good enough. It’s a slap in the face that can put people subtly on the defensive, or actively on the attack depending on their character.

Recently an intelligent French student of ours was telling us how his friends have noticed that he is different in some way, and they are intrigued. But they are also wary because NLP comes from outside their Cartesian frame of reference. They ask questions, but distrust the answers, especially when he talks about what NLP could do for them.

So in the conversation we thought a different way of presenting NLP would be helpful in France. It has some parallels with those people who ask the doctor about a problem their friend has.

So instead of saying ‘NLP can improve your ….., and make you happier, healthier etc’ it makes more sense to recount personal experience of how NLP has been beneficial from a 1st person perspective ‘Since I have started NLP I have…’

You can also use third person stories ‘There was a person on the course who…’

That way the listener is less likely to get defensive and argumentative. Less likely because if you present something sufficiently alien to their model of the world, they may tell you what you saw and experienced never happened.

Self referentially, I could talk about how NLP helped me make the transition from a martial arts instructor, to a trainer and coach. It was something that I had struggled with because I didn’t recognise where I was caught. I identified myself so much with kung fu identity that I hardly noticed when the way I presented myself lead to people asking me for martial arts classes rather than NLP coaching. Once I made the connection, I asked a coach to lead me through a technique. Then the change happened quickly and easily.

A lot of people do get caught in transitions. Either they are not sure how to take the first step, or find themselves frozen between different ways of functioning. Most people I know have dreams that they aren’t living, or taking steps to put into place.

We often see people in our trainings who are unsatisfied by their work. Somehow their job doesn’t match their values, the way they see themselves, or put themselves in a position to really offer their gifts to the world. When we see that one of two things usually happen. We have seen some of them decide to leave their job, which is probably a good thing even if seems tough in the short term. Effectively they were only half present at work – it’s hard to be passionate about what you don’t believe in.

We also have stories of others who begin to apply their knowledge to change their working environment. That way they not only apply themselves more enthusiastically at work, they also begin to create the kind of working culture where their colleagues can be more present, more passionate and more effective.

Some people love to help others, without necessarily wanting to become a professional helper. In which case, I could talk about how some years ago I’d spend part of the summer teaching Taiji at a Yoga centre in Greece. One of my my activities in between sessions of Yoga, freediving and teaching was finding out who had a phobia of water and dealing with it. Since I love swimming it was particularly satisfying to watch them come back from the beach exhilarated at the aqueous world that was opening to them.

For people motivated by the desire to succeed in more conventional terms we have reams of stories of how people have rigorously applied NLP in different areas. I can think of several students who used NLP techniques to prepare for presentations, then winning competitions or receiving standing ovations. Others have adapted their techniques and created tools that they use that improve their customer’s satisfaction and loyalty.

So rather than offering something frontally, the idea is more like two tuning forks resonating together. Pick something that you have an intuition might appeal to the listener – and use your NLP skills to refine the precision. Then as you tell the story your listener may well be thinking ‘That’s something I could do with changing too.’

It's also a useful exercise to list or learn from sucesses, whether your own or other people's, whether in NLP or in other fields. It can help to keep grounded in an optimistic state, and also provieds examples, anecdotes and stories that can help spread those states to other people.

So I wonder what have you seen working (recently)? Where else could you use some of that, and who else could benefit from something similar?

Pass this on to any boring coaches you know (but don't tell them why...)

Do you have your clients crying with laughter and changing? Would that be right - to be effective and have fun at the same time?

You know those moments when a client does something really annoying and you have to bite your tongue to stop yourself doing something unprofessional? Well wouldn't you like to do something much, much more satisfying than firing you patience anchor?

I notice a tendency in the helping professions for people to get quite earnest. Helpers are drawn to help because of their compassion, their capacity for empathy - those qualities are vital for good listeners.

At the same time they cary with them the capacity for a kind of earnestness and heaviness and, in extreme cases, a martyrdness.

At the end of the 1980's I was once asked to leave a seal sanctuary in Scotland where I was working as a volunteer. I think the main reason reason was because I refused be sucked into the general atmosphere of worthy suffering. During the short time I was there I remained well fed, rosy cheeked and cheerful. I hadn't discovered NLP yet so I didn't realise the importance of pacing. Of course the long hair, beard and tendency to wave a wooden Taiji alongside the road in a conservative area, may also have had something to do with their decision to let me go. That is another story and its not like I caused any car accidents or anything!

Recently I met a man who teaches a very different way of listening and working with people than the earnest and sincere and genuine and empathetic and concerned and respectful and.... way. His name is Frank Farrelly and in the early 1970's he wrote a book called Provocative Therapy. Richard Bandler spent a few days with him after the conception of NLP. Bandler still uses many of Frank's mannerisms, ways of delivery and stories. Frank is not news to NLP, but he has been and still is a rich resource of skill for us. He deserves plenty of acknowledgement for that.

Frank works by teasing his clients, relentlessly. From the moment he meets them - often before they open their mouths', until he leaves them. He is extremely skilled, highly effective, ridiculously funny and not very earnest at all.

Frank was a student of Carl Rogers, founder of Client Centred Therapy, who has had a great influence on therapy. However rude and offensive Frank is to the people he interviews - you also have a sense that everything he does is also connected to deep sense of compassion for the client, not to mention the client's family, friends and workmates. He has a wonderful balance of strength, humour and caring.

I promised something practical, not just the ramblings of a new Farrelly fan. Frank's work has a lot of parrallels to NLP and Milton Erickson's work. One of them is that it's useful to be flexible - more flexible than the client. If you as a coach are stuck behaving in an earnest and respectful way - while your client is not - then your client has the upper hand in flexibilty and may well begin to control the interaction. So being able to outrageously tease someone is a pretty useful way widen flexibility. Its also fun!

If I was to condense a Provocative Therapy session to a 7 step technique, easy to pick up for NLPers, then I would do it this way:

1. Get in state - up beat, up time, intuitive. You're not there to help the client, the client is perfectly capable of helping themselves. You're just there to tease them until they do.

2. Get into strong non-verbal rapport with the client.

3. Exaggerate the clients issues. Mimic / caricature their voice tone, posture and delivery. Take their map of the world and distort it in ridiculous ways. Give them plenty of reasons not to change. Play with the positive intentions of unwanted behaviours and give them ridiculous solutions to the problems. Be bizarre, ambiguous, confusing.

4. Notice where the client get's uncomfortable - and go there.

5. Notice what irritates you about the client - and dig into that too.

6. Maintain the rapport.

7. Debrief - and stay ready to tease.

This doesn't do anything like justice to Frank's skill and richness, but it does give a foot in the door for people who want to have fun and create change through teasing.

Most of us do something like this with friends, and siblings already. Add in attention to rapport, the idea of positive intention, an awareness of meta model patterns, the use of Milton Model confusion, and you have some amped up teasing that can really change lives for the better.

So are you ready to have some fun with your clients?

NLP manipulation, psychic attack and the 42nd Rolls Royce

As a first post I’ll deal with what I consider the most common accusation I get as an NLP trainer – that NLP is manipulative and lacks values. There are other things some people dislike about NLP and I’ll deal with them another time.

If you’ve already gone beyond the NLP = manipulation then I promise, the next post will be more positive and practical.

If you think that NLP has no intrinsic moral values you’d be right. NLP is a tool, a technology - it has all the intrinsic morality of a machete or, more precisely, a scalpel…

You can do all kinds of lovely things with a scalpel. You can use a scalpel to cut delicately into sensitive tissue with the result of health. You can use it as a tool for cosmetic surgery – thus creating the appearance of health – a little superficial, sometimes pleasing, but taken to an extreme, quite grotesque.

In fact there are some people who apply ‘rapport and influence skills’ to create all the genuine connection of a silicone dancer during a lap dance. With all that jutting and gyrating it might be fun, it might be exciting and the dancer may succeed in creating a warm feeling. But you know why that dancer is dancing that way and it isn’t because they see the light inside of your wonderful being. It’s because they imagine your wallet being lighter.

I have met people who use NLP on rather than with business partners, customers and so on. They sometimes get away with it for a while, but sooner or later, you catch on and then the technique becomes transparent. Most of us have a sense of whether someone is genuine or not, just like being able to spot sales people on the phone within the first two words of their pitch. We can mistake or ignore the warnings for a while, out of curiousity or politeness, but those relationships rarely get very far.

Given that most of us can spot manipulators some way off, I wonder why people feel so strongly about the idea of NLP as manipulation. I’ve come up with two reasons.

The first is that they are scared that other people will using cunning NLP tools to manipulate them. Derren Brown certainly does some spectacular manipulation for his TV shows. What you don’t see of course are the times it doesn’t work or his use of stage magic which isn't a part of NLP training ( Derren in action). For me though this is an argument for learning NLP, so that you know how to defend against psychic attack by NLP. I put the 'psychic attack' part in italics because it seems so cheesy to me.

The other reason is that people worry that if they had this amazing mind power that they imagine NLP confers, that they would be tempted, ohhh so tempted, to use it. They picture strings of crying ex-virgins and weeping families barefoot in windswept streets after having been ruined by an unscrupulous mind trick. Perhaps they fantasise about having their own cult filled with adoring brainwashed adepts slaving to buy the 42nd Rolls Royce. Then there are the curses, NLP can get rid of phobias quickly and easily, so it can probably install them too. It is used to help heal people from a wide range of diseases so it could be used toxically too. It is that scalpel used as a deadly weapon. Those enemies won’t know what hit them (laugh evil laugh).

Of course if you’re not tempted by these things, then your moral fibre is probably sufficient for you to use the scalpel of NLP in a wholesome, helpful way (smile smugly).

Which brings me to the values vacuum of NLP. As I said, NLP does not have morals. There are no ten commandments of NLP – it is not a religion. NLP does have presuppositions, ideas based on observations that change the way you perceive and act in the world.

One observation of NLP is that in all cultures people have values and that given the choice they act in a way that satisfies those values. NLP does not need to prescribe values because people come with their own. As people develop, their values become increasingly clear, increasingly important to them as a guide and a choice for behaviour. Ignoring those values comes at the price of loss of happiness.

Sure I could use NLP to get people to do things against their better judgement and wellbeing, but it would leave such a bad taste in my mouth that the idea dies as soon as it appears and well before action.

With increasing development the perception through time and across the spaces of the world becomes more and more profound. We live in a culture that has developed to the point where people are willing to protest in the street for the sake of others that they do not know and many of whom would wipe us out if it was in their power.

That compassion is a triumph. In less developed societies the easy option of genocide is still being taken. That compassion isn’t the result of religious education as our society is becoming increasingly secular. It comes from rational thought that allows us to recognise that people are basically the same, whatever the race, they feel the same hope, despair, joy and pain that you and I do. It comes from the ability to imagine different perspectives beyond family, tribe, race or religion. Not that this triumphant compassion takes place in a perfect society.

You can probably think of some parts of your nation’s behaviour that you are unhappy about or even ashamed of - its unpatriotic not to. When you think of them you feel pain for those things that offend your values and by implication, however distant, you are a part of. As a result of your awareness there is the possibility of positive change.

It’s you who has the values, and that’s why NLP doesn’t. NLP doesn’t presume to dictate your values to you. NLP is a tool to use yourself more effectively, to uncover your values, to give you more choices to act in a way so that those values get honoured in the world.

So you could use NLP in a shallow, manipulative value free way. You could see it in a way that reaped some short term result and lead towards distrust, disillusionment and despair, but given all the healtheir ways you can use it, why would you want to?

Damn I’ve strayed some way from that lap dancer in paragraph 5. As I said something practical for next time.