Fish and Piranhas

photo: Piranhas by doubl

Fish are one of the tools that we use on our trainings. In case you are wondering what that means, and have images of conference rooms full of flapping Tuna, rainbows of angelfish, or cod and chips these are a different kind of metaphorical fish.

The idea of fish comes from Gregory Bateson, who observed that dolphin trainers never punished their charges for not doing what they wanted. Rather they waited for the dolphins to do something they liked, drew attention to the moment and action by blowing a whistle, then at the next convenient moment gave the dolphin a fish. They would also sometimes just give the dolphin fish for no reason in particular, just for being. They found human-dolphin relations worked better that way.

So in our trainings we encourage people to wait until a fellow student does something they like then give them a fish. That is tell them what they liked, when it happened, and how it was good. Again we do not punish our trainees for getting it 'wrong.'

The result is an atmosphere that is cheerful and playful, and in which people can experiment without fear of being told off. It creates a great space for learning, and trying new behaviours. It also shifts people's attention away from what they do not like, and towards what they do like.

Recently, perhaps influenced by my interest in shadows I also decided to introduce a variant of the fish - the piranha.

The idea of the piranha is that we do not always have the time to wait for people to do something that we like. From the outside we have a capacity to see how other people limit themselves in ways that they are not aware of.

A well placed piranha simultaneously brings awareness to, and eats away at the unhelpful mental or other habits that people have. But for a piranha to be helpful, rather than hurtful it needs often needs to follow certain guidelines.

1. Piranhas are best delivered with rapport and connection.

2. Piranhas bring awareness and greater choice for the person receiving them.

As a sample structure for a piranha I suggest the following

'I'm aware that you (unwanted behaviour), and I have also seen that you (alternative and wanted behaviours), and I think that you have more choices in the matter than you believe you do now.'

Of course there are many opportunities for piranha abuse, in which the piranha giver savagely rips into their victim, and leaves feeling satisfied while blood seeps into the water all around them.

That is why I preface the idea of piranhas with that of fish. I think that it is worth learning to create an entirely fish based environment to develop the sensitivity and goodwill to place piranhas well.

Personally I am happy to bring metaphorical fish to our trainees, though I also have plans to do it the other way around. That is bring our trainees to real fish. If that has intrigued you then keep checking on this blog, and I'll explain more.

Until then what has someone done around you that you would like to compliment them for?